Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness

1.Be Honest With Each Other.

"Now that you have put away falsehood, speak truth," wrote the apostle Paul. (Ephesians 4:25)  Lies, half-truths, and even silence undermine trust. So you need to speak openly and honestly with each other.

At first, you and your mate may be too upset to discuss the infidelity. Eventually, though, you will need to talk candidly about what happened. You may choose not to discuss every detail, but avoiding the subject itself is not wise.   "Initially, I found talking about the affair incredibly difficult and distasteful," says Jodi, quoted above.  "It was  something I deeply regretted and just wanted to lock away and forget."  However, this lack of communication caused problems. Why?  Steve says,  "Because Jodi didn't want to talk about the infidelity, I remained suspicious."  In retrospect, Jodi acknowledges, "Not discussing it with my husband hindered the process." 

Without a doubt, any discussion about the betrayal will be painful. Debbie, whose husband, Paul, committed adultery with his secretary, says:  "I had a lot of questions. How? Why? What did they talk about?  I became an emotional wreck, thinking about it constantly and asking even more questions as the weeks went by."   Paul says: " Understandably, at times the conversations Debbie and I had become heated. But we always apologized to each other later.  Those honest discussions drew us closer together." 

How can you take some of the strain out of such discussions?  Remember that your primary purpose is, not to punish your partner, but to learn from the tragedy and to strengthen your marriage.   For example, Chul Soo and his wife, Mi Young, examined their relationship in the light of Chul Soo's infidelity.  "I  discovered that I had been too busy with private interests," says Chul Soo.  "I was overly concerned with pleasing others and meeting their expectations. I had been giving them most of my time and attention. As a result,  I had been spending little time with my wife."  This insight enabled both Chul Soo and Mi Young to make changes that, in time, had helped strengthen their marriage. 

TRY THIS:  If you are the unfaithful mate, refrain from making excuses or blaming your spouse. Take responsibility for your actions and the hurt you caused. If you are the injured mate, do not scream at your spouse or use abusive language. By avoiding such speech, you will encourage your spouse to continue talking openly to you. -Ephesians 4:32. 

Next time: Rebuilding Trust In a Marriage/Keys to Family Happiness -2. Work as a Team. 

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