HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Be a Good Listener

WHAT YOU CAN DO 

Give your complete attention. Your spouse has something important  to say, but are you ready to listen?  Perhaps not. Your mind may be on other things just now.  If so, do not pretend to listen. If possible, put aside what you are doing and give your mate your full attention, or perhaps you could ask your mate to wait until you are able to do so. -Bible principle:  James 1:19. 

Agree to speak one at at time.  When it is your turn, resist the urge to interrupt or disagree. You will get your turn to speak.  For now, just listen. -Bible principle:  Proverbs 18:13. 

Ask questions.   This will make you feel better able to understand what your mate is saying. Marcie, quoted earlier, says:  "I love it when Mike ask questions. It shows me that he's interested in what I'm saying." 

Listen for the message, not just the words.  Note what is conveyed by body language, eye movement, and tone of voice.  "That's fine" might really mean "That's not fine"-depending on how it is said.  "You never offer to help me" might really mean "I feel I'm not really important to you."  Try to get the real message, even if it is not spoken. Otherwise, you may end up debating over what was said instead of focusing on what was meant.

Keep listening.   Do not tune out or walk away, even if what you are hearing displeases you.  For example, what if your mate is criticizing you?  "Keep listening," advises Gregory, who has been married for over 60 years.  "Give genuine consideration to what your mate is saying.  This takes a measure of maturity, but it pays off. -Bible principle:  Proverbs 18:15. 

Be sincerely interested in your mate. Be sincerely interested in your mate.  Active listening is, not a mere technique, but an act of love.  When you have a genuine interest in what your mate is saying, listening becomes less forced and more natural. In this way you will be following the Bible's admonition:  "Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own." -Philippians 2:4, Good New Translation. 

Key Scriptures

* "Be swift about hearing, slow about speaking." -James 1:19. 

* " When anyone is replying to a matter before he hears it, that is foolishness on his part and a humiliation." -Proverbs 18:13.

* "The ear of the wise one seeks to find knowledge." - Proverbs 18:15.

IF YOU ARE SPEAKING

If you try to talk while your mate is in another room or is concentrating on something else, will he or she hear what you say? It might be better to get your mate's full attention first or wait for a better opportunity. -1 Peter 3:8.

Consider a Bible example:  When Jesus had an important point to make about humility, he did not simply  blurt it out. He waited until circumstances were conducive to listening.  Then he called his apostles to him and made his point.  -Mark 9:33-35; 12:41-44. 

 Next time: Meeting the Challenges of Menopause

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