HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

When a Friendship Gets Too Close

THE CHALLENGE

You have a friend of the opposite sex who really understands you. The two of you can talk about anything, and you do.  'We're just friends,' you tell yourself-although your spouse might think otherwise If he or she were privy to your lingering conversations.

Likely, your friendship is already too close and you need to address the situation.  First, though, consider why you might have become entangled in such a relationship.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Fulfillment.  Simply put, attention from the opposite sex feels good. It flatters us to know that we are valued, and it makes us feel attractive.  After being married for a time, you might begin to find reassurance in the company of a friend of the opposite sex. But know this: Having such needs fulfilled by someone rather than your spouse comes at a cost. When you form and improper emotional connection with a member of the opposite sex,you weaken your connection with your spouse. In a sense, you rob  your spouse of the affection you owe him or her.  

* Ask yourself, 'what needs are being fulfilled by this friendship that would better be fulfilled by marriage?'

Vulnerability.  The Bible acknowledges that those who marry will have a degree of  "tribulation." (1 Corinthians 7:28)  For instance, at times you might feel neglected or unappreciated by your spouse, or you may harbor resentment over and unresolved conflict.  Perhaps your spouse avoids talking about such issues, leaving you frustrated and vulnerable to the attention of someone else.  Some experts say that shying away from discussing difficult issues can be  a significant predictor of unhappiness in marriage-and even a predictor of divorce.

* Ask yourself,  'Is there a void in my marriage that has made me vulnerable to an inappropriate friendship? 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE -When a Friendship Gets Too Close

From the jw.org publications