HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE-How To End "the Silent Treatment"

THE CHALLENGE

How do two people who have vowed to love each other get to the point where they refuse to talk for hours-or even days? 'At least we stopped fighting,' they tell themselves. Still, the issue has not been resolved, and they both feel uncomfortable.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Retaliation.  Some spouses use silence as a form of revenge.  For example, suppose a husband makes weekend plans without consulting his wife. When she finds out, she is angry and calls him inconsiderate.  he responds by calling her oversensitive.  The wife storms off and stews in silence. In  effect she is saying,"You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you back."

Manipulation.  Some use the silent treatment as a means to get what they want.  For example, imagine that a husband and wife plan a trip and the wife would like to take her parents along.  The husband objects. "You're married to me, not to your parents," he says. He then gives his wife the silent treatment, shunning her in the hope that she will break down and concede to his wishes.

Of course a temporary time-out can give a couple the opportunity to let emotions cool when an argument is getting out of hand. That type of silence can be beneficial.  the Bible says that there is a "time to keep quiet." (Ecclesiastes 3:7) But when it is used as a means to retaliate or manipulate, the silent treatment not only prolongs conflict but also erodes the respect the couple have for each other. How can you prevent that from happening to you?

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE -Conclusion of How to End "the Silent Treatment"

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