Train Your Child From Infancy

FILLING YOUR CHILD'S NEEDS

Proverbs 22:6 says:  "Train up a boy according to the way for him."  Training children is another major parental duty.  When, though, should that training take start?  Very early.  The apostle Paul noted that Timothy had been trained "from infancy."  (2 Timothy 3:15)  The Greek word used here can refer to a small baby or even an unborn child.  (Luke 1:41, 44; Acts 7:18-20) Hence, Timothy received training from when he was very young-and rightly so.  Infancy is the ideal time to begin training a child.  Even a young baby has a hunger for knowledge. 

"When I first saw my baby," says one mother, "I fell in love with him."  So do most mothers. That beautiful attachment between mother and baby grows as they spend time together following the birth. Nursing adds to that intimacy.  (Compare 1 Thessalonians 2:7)  A mother's caressing her baby and talking to it are crucial to filling the baby's emotional needs.  (Compare Isaiah 66:12)  But what  about the father? He too should form a close connection with his new offspring.  Jehovah himself is an example of this. In the book of Proverbs, we learn of Jehovah's relationship with his only-begotten Son, who is represented as saying: "Jehovah himself produced me as the beginning of his  way . . . I came to be the one he was specially fond of day by day."  (Proverbs 8:22, 30; John 1:14)  Similarly, a good father cultivates  a warm, loving relationship with his child right up from the beginning of the child's life. "Show lots of affection," says one parent.  "No child ever died  from hugs and kisses. 

But babies need more. From the moment of birth, their brains are ready to receive and store information, and parents are  a primary source of this.  Take language as an example. Researchers  say that how well a child learns  to talk and read is  "thought to be closely related to the nature of the child's early interaction with his parents."  Talk and read to your child from babyhood on.   Soon he will want to copy you, and before long you will be teaching him to read. Likely, he will be able to read before entering school. That will be especially helpful if you live in a country where teachers are few and classrooms are crowded.

The foremost concern of Christian parents is filling their child's spiritual needs.  (See Deuteronomy 8:3) With what goal? To help their child develop a Christlike personality, in effect, to put on "the new personality."  (Ephesians 4:24) For this they need to consider proper building materials and proper building methods. 

Next time: Train Your Child From Infancy/INCULCATE  THE TRUTH IN YOUR CHILD

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER FIVE; Train Your Child From Infancy

"SONS are an inheritance from Jehovah," exclaimed an appreciative parent some 3,000 years ago.  (Psalm 127:3)  Indeed, the joy of parenthood is a precious reward from God, one that is available to most married people. However, those who have children soon realize that along with the joy, parenthood brings responsibilities.

Especially today, rearing children is a formidable task.  Nevertheless, may have done it with successes, and the inspired psalmist points the way, saying: "Unless Jehovah himself builds the house, it is to no avail that its builders have worked hard on it." (Psalm 127:1) The more closely you follow Jehovah's instructions, the better parent you will become.  The Bible says:  "Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding."  (Proverbs 3:5)  Are you willing to listen to Jehovah's counsel as you embark on your 20-year child-raising project?  

ACCEPTING THE BIBLE'S VIEW

In many homes around the world, men view child training as chiefly woman's work. True, the Word of God points to the father's role as principal breadwinner. However, it also says that he has responsibilities in the home. The Bible says: "Prepare your work out of doors, and make it ready for yourself in the field. Afterward, you must also build up  your household."  (Proverbs 24:27)  In God's view, fathers and mothers are partners in child training. -Proverbs 1:8, 9. 

How do you view your children?  Reports say that in Asia "baby girls often receive a poor welcome."  Bias against girls reportedly still exists in Latin America, even among "more enlightened families."  The truth is, though, girls are not second-class children. Jacob, a noted father of ancient times, described all his offspring, including any daughters born up to that time, as "the children with whom God has  favored [me]."  (Genesis 33:1-5; 37:35) Likewise, Jesus blessed all "the young children" (boys and girls) that were brought to him.  (Matthew 19:13-15) We can be sure that he reflected Jehovah's view. -Deuteronomy 16:14. 

Note: What a lot of men, if any do not realize is that the determination of the baby's sex before being born is the man's genes.  Same went back in ancient times and up to now, men did not know and would blame the woman for not producing a son. King Henry VIII,  would not accept a female child and most likely would have his wife's head beheaded.  Sad, isn't, how ignorant men were back then in this respect.  Imagine how if they knew, how much their ego would shrink knowing this bit of  information. 

Does your community expect a woman to give  birth to as many children as possible? Rightfully, how many children a married couple have is their personal decision.  ( Note: not if they have so many children that they can't afford to take care of them, to where they end up in foster homes or with welfare. It is up to the parents to financially and emotionally support their children.  They need to think about birth control because God did not intend for the world to be so overpopulated that parents  can't  feed their children. ) What if the parents lack the means to feed, clothe, and educate numerous children?  Surely, the couple should consider this when deciding on the size of their family.  Some couples who cannot support their children entrust relatives with the responsibility to raise some of them.  ( which is wrong, they may already be overburdened, and if it is some elderly grandparents, how are they suppose to take care of them. Their child-rearing days are over  when their children got older, got married and had their own children.   These couples need birth control or to learn restraint.)  Is this practice desirable?  Not really. And it does not relieve the parents of their obligation toward their children.  The Bible says:  "If anyone does not provide for those who are his own,and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith." (1 Timothy 5:8)  Responsible couples try to plan the size of their "household" so that they can 'provide for those who are their own.'  Can they practice birth control in order to do this?  That too is a personal decision, and if married couples  do decide on this course, the choice of contraceptive  is also a personal matter.  "Each one will carry his own  load."  (Galatians 6:5)  However birth control that involves any form of abortion goes contrary to the Bible principles.  Jehovah God is "the source of life."  (Psalm 36:9) Therefore, to snuff our a life after it has been conceived would gross disrespect for Jehovah and it tantamount to murder. -Exodus 21:22,23; Psalm 139:16; Jeremiah 1:5. 

Next time:  Train Your Child From Infancy/FILLING YOUR CHILD'S NEEDS

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

How Can You Manage a Household?

ENCOURAGEMENT MAKES US FLOURISH

When discussing the capable wife, the book of Proverbs says:  "Her sons have risen up and proceeded to pronounce her happy; her owner rises up, and he praises her."  (Proverbs 31:28)  When was the last time you commended a member of your family?  Really, we are like plants in springtime that are ready to blossom when they receive some warmth and moisture. In our case, we nee the warmth of commendation. It helps for a wife to know that her husband appreciates her hard work and loving care and that he does not take her for granted.  (Proverbs 15:23; 25:11) And it is pleasant when a wife commends her husband for his work outside and inside the home.  Children too blossom when their parents praise them for their efforts at home, at school, or in the Christian congregation. And how far a little gratitude goes!  What does it cost to say:  "Thank you"? Very little, yet, the return in family morale can be great.

For many reasons, managing a household is not easy. Still, it can be done with success. A Bible proverb says:  "By wisdom a household will be built up, and by discernment it will prove firmly established."  (Proverbs 24:3) Wisdom and discernment  can be gained if all in the family strive  to learn God's will and to apply it in their lives. A happy family is surely worth the effort!

Next time: CHAPTER FIVE:  TRAIN YOUR CHILD FROM INFANCY

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

How Can You Manage a Household

Conclusion of CLEANLINESS-WHY SO IMPORTANT?

Consider another example. About 3, 500 years ago, God gave the nation of Israel his Law in order to organize their worship and, to a degree, their everyday life.  That Law helped to protect the nation from disease by putting in place some basic rules of hygiene. One such law had to do with the disposal of human waste, which had to be properly buried away from the camp so that the area where people lived would not be polluted.  (Deuteronomy 23:12, 13)  That ancient law is still good counsel. Even today people get sick and die because they do not follow it.

In harmony with the principle behind that Israelite law, the family's bathroom and toilet area-whether inside or outside the dwelling-should be kept clean and covered, flies will gather there and spread germs to other areas of the home-and onto the food we eat!  Further, children and adults should wash their hands after visiting this area. Otherwise, they bring germs back with them on their skin. According to a French doctor, hand washing "Is still one of the best guarantees for the prevention of certain digestive, respiratory, or skin infections."

True, cleanliness is a challenge in a poor neighborhood. One who is acquainted with such localities explained:  "The oppressively hot climate makes the work of cleaning doubly hard. Dust storms cover every crevice of a house with find brown powder. . . . Burgeoning populations in cities, as well as in some rural areas, also create health hazards. Open sewers, piles of uncollected garbage, filthy communal toilets, disease-carrying rats, cockroaches, and flies have become common sights."  

Maintaining cleanliness under these conditions is difficult.  Still, it worth the effort.  Soap and water  and a little extra work are cheaper than medicine and hospital bills. If you live in such an environment, as far as possible, keep your house and yard clean and free of animal droppings. If the path to your home tends to get muddy during rainy periods, could you put down gravel or stones to help keep mud out of the house?  If shoes or sandals are used, can these be removed  before the wearer  enters the home? Also, you must keep your water supply free from contamination. It is estimated that at least two million deaths a year are due to diseases associated with dirty water and poor sanitation. 

A clean home depends on everyone-mother, father, children, and visitors. One mother of eight children  in Kenya said:  "All have learned to do their part."  A clean, tidy home reflects well on the whole family. A Spanish proverb states:  "There is not conflict between poverty and cleanliness."  Whether one lives in a mansion, an apartment, a humble home, or shack, cleanliness  is a key to a healthier family. 

Next time: How Can You Manage a Household?/ ENCOURAGEMENT MAKES US FLOURISH

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

How You Can Manage a Household

CLEANLINESS-WHY SO IMPORTANT?

Another Bible principle that can help in the management of a household is found at 2 Corinthians 7:1.  There we read:  "Let us cleanse ourselves of every defilement of flesh and spirit."   Those who obey these inspired words are acceptable to Jehovah, who requires "worship that is clean and undefiled."  (James 1:27)  And their household receives associated benefits. 

For example, the Bible assures us that the day will come when disease and sickness will be no more. At that time, "no resident will say: "I am sick.' " (Isaiah 33:24; Revelation 21:4, 5)   Until then, however, every family has to handle sickness from time to time.  Even Paul and Timothy got sick.  B(Galatians 4:13; 1 Timothy 5:23) Still, medical experts say that much sickness is preventable. Wise families escape some preventable illnesses if they avoid fleshly and spiritual uncleanness. Let us consider how. -Compare Proverbs 22:3. 

Cleanness of spirit includes moral cleanness. As is well-known, the Bible promotes high moral standards and condemns any kind of sexual intimacy outside the marriage.  "Neither the fornicators, . . . nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men . . .  will inherit God's Kingdom."  (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) Observing these strict standards is very important for Christians living in today's degenerate world.  Doing so pleases God and also helps to protect the family  from sexually  transmitted diseases such as AIDS, syphilis, gonorrrhea, and chlamydia. - Proverbs 7:10-23. 

'Cleansing oneself of every defilement of flesh' helps to protect the family from other sicknesses.  Many diseases are caused by a lack of physical cleanness. A prime example is the smoking habit. Not only does smoking befoul the lungs, the clothes and the very air but it also makes people ill.  Millions of people die each year because they smoked tobacco. Think of it; each year millions of people would not have fallen ill and died prematurely if they had avoided that 'defilement of the flesh'! 

Next time: How  Can You Manage a Household/ Continue with CLEANLINESS - WHY SO IMPORTANT?

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

How You Can Manage a Household

SHARING THE LOAD

Toward the end of his earthly ministry, Jesus said:  "You must love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)  Applying this counsel in the family helps enormously in household management. After all, who are our nearest , dearest neighbors if not those who share the family dwelling-husbands and wives, parents and children?  How can family members show love for one another? 

One way is for each family member to do his fairs share of household chores.  Thus, children need to be taught to put things away after using them, whether these be clothes or toys.  It may take tie and effort to tidy the bed each morning, but it is a big help  in the management of the household. Of course, some minor, temporary disarray is unavoidable, but all can work together to keep the home reasonably neat, as well as to clean up after meals.  Laziness, self-indulgence, and grudging, reluctant spirit have a negative effect on everyone.  (Proverbs 26:14-16)  On the other hand, a cheerful, willing spirit nourishes a happy family life.  "God loves a cheerful giver." -2 Corinthians 9:7. 

Consideration and love will help prevent a situation that is a serious problem in some homes. Mothers have traditionally been the mainstay of home-life.  They have cared for the children, cleaned the home, done the family laundry, and purchased and cooked the food. In some lands, women have also customarily worked the fields, sold produce in the market, or contributed in other ways to the family budget. Even where this was not the custom previously, necessity has compelled millions of married women to find employment outside the home. A wife and mother who works hard in these different ares deserves commendation.  Like the "capable wife" described in the Bible, her days are well filled.  "The bread of laziness she does not eat." (Proverbs 31:10, 27) This does not mean, though, that a  woman is the only one who work in the home. After a husband and a wife have both worked all day outside the home, should the wife alone bear the burden of work in the house while the husband and the rest of the family relax?  Surely not.  (Compare 2 Corinthians 8:13, 14)  So, for example, if the  mother is going go get a meal ready, she may be grateful  if other family members help with the preparation by the setting the table, doing some of the shopping, or cleaning up a little around the house.  Yes, all can share the responsibility. -Compare Galatians 6:2. 

Some may say: "Where I live it is not the role of a man to do such things."  That  may be true,  but would it not be good to give this matter some consideration?  When Jehovah God originated the family , he did not mandate that certain work would be done only by women. On one occasion, when the faithful man Abraham was visited by special messengers from Jehovah, he personally shared in the preparation  and serving of a meal  for the visitors.  (Genesis 18:1-8) The Bible counsels:  "Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies."  (Ephesians 5:28) If, at the end of the day, the husband is tired and wants to rest, is it not likely that the wife feels the same way, perhaps more so?  (1 Peter 3:7)  Then would it not be appropriate and loving for the husband to help out at home? -Philippians 2:3, 4. 

Jesus is the best example of one who pleased God and brought happiness to his associations. Although he never married, Jesus is a good example for husband, as well as for wives and children.  He said of himself:  "The Son of man came, not to be ministered to, but to minister," that is to serves others.  (Matthew 20:28)  How delightful are those families in which all members cultivate such an attitude! 

Next time: How You Can Manage a Household/CLEANLINESS-WHY SO IMPORTANT?

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER FOUR: How Can You Manage a Household?

Conclusion of LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS

Another helpful principle is found in one of Jesus' illustrations. He said: "Who of you that wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it?" (Luke 14:28)  Jesus is here speaking  of forethought, planning ahead.  We saw in a previous chapter how this helps when a young couple are thinking of getting married. And after the marriage, It is also helpful in managing a household.  Forethought in this area involves having a budget, planning in advance to make the wisest use of available resources.  In this way a family can control expenses, setting money aside for spending on essentials each day or each week, and not live beyond its means. 

In some countries, such budgeting might mean having to resist the urge to borrow at high interest for unnecessary purchases.  In others, it might mean keeping a tight rein on the use of credit cars. (Proverbs 22:7) It might also mean resisting impulse buying-purchasing something on the spur of the moment without weighing needs and consequences.  Further, a budget will make it apparent that selfishly wasting money on gambling, smoking tobacco, and excessive drinking harms the family's economic situation, as well as goes contrary to Bible principles. -Proverbs 23:20, 21, 29-35; Romans 6:19; Ephesians 5:3-5. 

What, though, of those who are forced to live in poverty?  For one thing, they can be comforted to know that this worldwide problem is only temporary. In the rapidly approaching new world, Jehovah will eliminate poverty among all other evils that cause misery to  mankind.  (Psalm  72:1, 12-16) In the meantime, true Christians, even if they are very poor, do not feel total desperation, for they have faith in Jehovah's promise:  "I will by no means leave you nor by any means forsake you."  Hence, a believer can confidently say:  "Jehovah is  my helper; I will not be afraid."  (Hebrews 13: 5, 6)   In these difficult days, Jehovah has supported his worshipers in many ways when they live by his principles and put his Kingdom first in their lives.   (Matthew 6:33) Great numbers of them can testify, saying, in the words of the apostle Paul:  "In everything and in all circumstances I have learned the secret of both how to be full and how to hunger, both how to have an abundance an dhow to suffer want.  For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me." -Philippians 4:12, 13. 

Next time: How Can You Manage a Household?/SHARING THE LOAD

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER FOUR: How Can You Manage a Household?

"The scene of this world is changing."  ( 1 Corinthians 7:31) Those words were written over 1,900 years ago, and how true they are today!  Things are changing, especially with regard to family life. What was viewed as normal or traditional 40 or 50 years ago is often not acceptable today. Because of this, successfully managing a household can present enormous challenges.  Nevertheless, if Scriptural counsel is heeded, you can meet those challenges.

LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS

Today many people are no longer satisfied with a simple, family-oriented life. As the commercial world products more and more products and uses its advertising skills try to entice the public, millions of father and mothers spend long hours at work so that they can buy  these products.  Other millions face a day-to-day struggle  just to put some food on the table.  They have to spend far more time at work than used to be the case, perhaps holding down two jobs, simply to pay for necessities. Yet, others would happy to find a job, since unemployment is a widespread problem. Yes, life is not always easy for the modern family, but Bible principles can help families to make the best of the situation. 

The apostle Paul experiences economic pressures. In handling them, he learned a valuable lesson, which he explains in his letter to his friend Timothy.  Paul writes: "We have brought nothing into the world, and neither can we take anything out. So, having sustenance and covering, we shall be content with these things." (1 Timothy 6:7, 8)  True, a family needs more than just food and clothing. It also needs somewhere to live.  The children need an education. And there are medical bills and other expenses. Still, the principle of Paul's word applies. If we are content to satisfy our needs rather than indulge our wants, life will be easier.

Next time: CHAPTER FOUR:  How Can You  Manage a Household?/Conclusion of LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS

From the book:The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

Conclusion of GOOD COMMUNICATION

Marriage partners manifesting love and respect will not see every disagreement as a challenge.  They will work hard not to be "bitterly angry" with each other.  (Colossians 3:19) Both should remember that "an answer, when mild, turns away rage."  (Proverbs 15:1)  Be careful not to belittle or condemn a mate who pours out heartfelt feelings. Instead, view such expressions as an opportunity to gain insight into the other person's viewpoint. Together, try to work out differences and come to a harmonious conclusion. 

Recall the occasion when Sarah recommended to her husband, Abraham, a solution to a certain problem and it did not coincide with his feelings.  Yet, God told Abraham:  "Listen to her voice."  (Genesis21:9-12)  Abraham did, and he was blessed.  Similarly, if a wife suggests something different from what her husband has in mind, he should at least listen. At the same time, a wife should not dominate the conversation but should listen to what her husband has to say. (Proverbs 25:24)  For either the husband or the wife to insist on his or her way all the time is unloving disrespectful.  

Good communication is also important in a couple's sexual relationship. Selfishness and a lack of self-control damage this most intimate relationship in marriage. Open communication, along with patience, is essential.  When each unselfishly seeks the well-being of the other, sex is rarely a serious problem. In this as in other matters,  "let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person." -1 Corinthians 7:3-5; 10:24. 

What fine counsel God's Word offers!  True, every marriage will have its ups and downs.  But when spouses submit to Jehovah's thinking, as revealed  in the Bible, and base their relationship on principled love and respect, they can be confident that their marriage will be lasting and happy.  They thus will honor not only each other but also the Originator of marriage, Jehovah God.

Next time: CHAPTER FOUR: How Can You Manage a Household? 

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

GOOD COMMUNICATION

Love and respect are essential in another area of marriage-communication.  The loving husband will converse with his wife about her activities, her problems, her views on various matters.  She needs this. A husband who takes the time to speak with his wife and really listens to what she says demonstrates his love and respect for her.  (James 1:19)  Some wives complain that their husbands spend very little time conversing with them. That is sad. True, in these busy times, husband may work long hours outside the home, and economic circumstances may result in some wives holding a job also. But a married couple need to reserve time for each other. Otherwise, they may become independent of each other.  It could lead to serious  problems if they felt compelled to seek sympathetic companionship outside the marriage arrangement.

The way wives and husbands communicate is important.  "Pleasant sayings are . . . sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones."  (Proverbs 16:24)  Whether a mate is a believer  or not, the Bible counsel  applies:  "Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt," that is in good taste.  (Colossians 4:6)   When one has had a difficult day, a few kind, sympathetic words from one's mate can do much good.  "As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it." (Proverbs 25:11) The tone of voice and the choice of words are very important.  For example, in an irritated, demanding manner, one may tell the other: "Shut that door!" But how much more  "seasoned with salt" are the words, said in a calm, understanding voice,  "Would you mind closing the door, please?" 

Good communication flourishes when there are gently spoken words, gracious looks and gestures, kindness, understanding, and tenderness.  By working hard to maintain good communication, both husband and wife will feel free to make their needs known, and they can be sources of comfort and help each other in times of disappointment or stress.  "Speak consolingly to the depressed souls,"urges God's Word.  ( 1 Thessalonians 5:14)  There will be times when the husband is downhearted and times when the wife is.  they can  "speak consolingly," building each other up. -Romans 15:2. 

Next time: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/Conclusion of GOOD COMMUNICATION

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

WIFELY SUBJECTION

Some time after Adam was created, "Jehovah God went on to say:  "It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a  complement of him.' " (Genesis 2:18)  God created Eve as a "complement," not a competitor.   Marriage was not to be like a ship with two competing captains.  The husband was to exercise loving headship, and the wife was to manifest love, respect, and willing  submission.

However, a good wife is more than just  submissive.  She tries to be a real helper, being supportive of her husband in the decisions he makes. Of course, that is easier for her when she agrees with his decisions. But even when she does not, her active support can help his decision to have a more  successful outcome.  

A wife can help her husband to be a good head in other ways. She can express appreciation for his efforts in taking the lead, instead of criticizing him or making him feel that he can never satisfy her.   In dealing with her husband in a positive way, she should remember that a "quiet and mild spirit . . .is of great value in the eyes of God," not just in the eyes of her husband.  (1 Peter 3:3, 4; Colossians 3:12) what if the husband is not a believer?  Whether he is or not, the Scriptures encourage  wives "to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sound in mind, chaste, workers at home, good, subjecting themselves to their own husbands, sot hat the word of God may not be spoken of abusively."  (Titus 2:4, 5) If matters of conscience come up, an unbelieving husband is more likely to respect his wife's position if it is  presented with a "mild temper and deep respect."  Some unbelieving husbands have been "won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of [their] chaste conduct together with deep respect." -1 Peter 3:1, 2, 15; 1 Corinthians 7:13-16. 

What if a husband asks his wife to do something forbidden  by God? If that happens, she must remember that God is her primary Ruler. She take has an example what the apostles did when they were asked by authorities to violate God's law. Acts 5:29 relates: "Peter and the other apostles said: 'We must obey God as ruler rather than men.' "

Next time: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/GOOD COMMUNICATION 

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

CHRISTLIKE HEADSHIP

The Bible tells us that the man was created with attributes that would make him a successful family head. As such, the man would be responsible before Jehovah for the spiritual and physical well-being of his wife and children.  He would have to make  balanced decisions that reflect Jehovah's will and be a good example of godly conduct.  "Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation."  (Ephesians 5:22,23) However, the Bible says that the husband also has a head, one with authority over him.  The apostle Paul wrote:  "I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn the head of every woman is the man; in turn the head of the Christ is God."  (1 Corinthians 11:3)  The wise husband learns how to exercise headship by imitating his own head, Christ Jesus.

Jesus too has a head, Jehovah, and he is properly subject to Him.  Jesus said:   "I seek not my own will, but the will of him that sent me."  (John 5:30) What an excellent example! Jesus is "the firstborn of all creation."  (Colossians 1;15) He became the Messiah. He was to be the Head of the congregation of anointed Christians and the chosen King of God's Kingdom, above all the angels.  (Philippians  2:9-11; Hebrews 1:4) Despite such a lofty position and such elevated prospects, the man Jesus was not harsh, unyielding, or overly demanding. He was not a despot, constantly reminding his disciples that they had to obey him.  Jesus was loving and compassionate, especially toward the downtrodden.  He said:  "Come to me, all you who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh you.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for your souls. For my yoke is kindly and my load is light."  (Matthew 11:28-30) It was a delight to be in his company.

The husband desiring a happy family life does well to consider Jesus' fine traits.  A good husband is not harsh and dictatorial, wrong using his headship as a club to browbeat his wife. Rather, he loves and honors her.  If Jesus was "lowly in heart," the husband has even more reason to be so because, unlike Jesus, he makes mistakes.  When he does, he wants his wife's understanding. Therefore, the humble husband admits his mistakes, even though the words,  "I'm sorry; you were right ," might be difficult to say. A wife will find it much easier to respect the headship of a modest and humble husband than that of a proud and stubborn one. In turn, the respectful wife also apologizes when she is in error. 

 God created the woman with fine attributes that she can use in contributing to a happy marriage. A wise husband will recognized this and will not stifle her.  many women tend to have greater compassion and sensitivity, qualities that are needed in caring  for a family and nurturing human relationships. Usually the woman is quite adept at making the home a pleasant place to live.  The "capable wife" described in Proverbs  chapter 31 had many wonderful qualities and excellent talents, and her family benefited from them.  Why? Because the heart of her husband  "has put trust" in her. -Proverbs 31:10, 11.  

In some cultures, a husband's authority is over-emphasized, so that even to ask him a question is considered disrespectful. He may treat his wife almost like a slave. Such a wrong exercise of headship results in a poor relationship not only with his wife but also with God.  (Compare 1 John 4:20, 21) On the other hand, some husbands neglect to take the lead, letting their wives dominate the household.  The husband who is properly subject to Christ does not exploit his wife or rob her of dignity. Instead, he imitates the self-sacrificing love of Jesus and does as Paul counseled: "Husband, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the  congregation and delivered himself up for it." (Ephesians 5:25)  Christ Jesus loved his followers so much that he died for them.  A good husband will try to imitate that unselfish attitude, seeking the good of his wife, rather than be demanding of her.  When a husband is subject to Christ and displays Christlike love and respect, his wife will be motivated to subject herself to him.-Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33.

Next time: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/WIFELY SUBJECTION

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

THE SECOND KEY

If two married people really love each other, then they will also have respect for each other, and respect  is the second key to a happy marriage.  Respect is defined as "giving consideration to others, honoring them." God's Word counsels all Christians including husband and wives:  "In showing honor to one another take the lead."  (Romans 12:10)  The apostle Peter wrote:  "You husbands continue dwelling in like manner with [your wives] according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one."  (1 Peter 3:7)  The wife is counseled to "have deep respect for her husband." *(Ephesians 5:33) If you want to honor someone, you are kind to that person, respectful of that one's dignity and expressed views, and ready to fulfill any reasonable request made of you. 

Those who wish to enjoy a happy marriage show respect for their mates by "keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just [their] own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of [their]mates."  (Philippians 2:4) They do not consider what is good only for themselves-which would be selfish. Instead, they consider what is best also for their  mates. Indeed, they give that the priority.

Respect will help marriage partners to acknowledge differences in viewpoint. It is not reasonable to expect two people to have identical views on everything. What may be important to a husband may not be as important to the wife, and what a wife likes may not be what a husband likes.  But each should respect the views  and choices of the other, as long as these are within the boundaries of Jehovah's laws and principles.  (1 Peter 2:16; compare Philemon 14.) Further, each should respect the dignity of the other by not making that one the object of demeaning comments or jokes, whether in public or in private. 

Yes, love of God and of each other and mutual respect are two vital keys to a successful marriage.  How can they be applied in some of the more important areas of married life?  

Note: Another thing that is important, that is not considered a key here, is mutual trust between each other.  That to me is very, very important.  

Next time: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/CHRISTLIKE HEADSHIP

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER THREE-Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

THE FIRST KEY

The first key is love.  Interestingly, there are different kinds of love identified in the Bible. One is a warm, personal affection for someone, the kind of love that exists between close friends.  (John 11:3) Another is the love that grows between family members.  (Romans 12:10)  A third is the romantic love  that one can have for the opposite sex.  (Proverbs 5:15-20) Of course, all of these should be cultivated by a husband and a wife.  But there is a  fourth kind of love, more important than the others. 

In the original languages of the Christian Greek Scriptures, the word for this fourth kind of love is a-ga'pe.  That word is at 1 John 4:8, where we are told:  "God is love." Indeed, "we love, because [God] first loved us." (1 John 4:19) A Christian cultivates such love first for Jehovah God and then for fellow humans.  (Mark 12:29-31)  The word a-ga'pe is also used at Ephesians 5:2, which states: "Go on walking in love, just as the Christ also loved you and delivered himself up for you."  Jesus said that this kind of love would identify his true followers:  "By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love [a-ga'pe] among yourselves."  (John 13:35) Notice too, the use of a-ga'pe at 1 Corinthians 13:13:  "There remain faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love [a-ga'pe]."

What makes this a-ga'pe love greater than faith and hope?  It is governed by principles-right principles-found in God's Word. [Psalm 119:105)  It is an unselfish concern for doing to others what is right and good from God's standpoint, whether the recipient appears to deserve it or not.  Such love enables marriage partners  to follow the Bible's counsel: "Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against each other.  Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also."  (Colossians 3:13) Loving married couples have and cultivate "intense love  [a-ga'pe] for [ each other], because love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter  4:8)  Notice that love covers mistakes. It does not eliminate them, since no imperfect human can be free from error. -Psalm 130:3, 4; James 3:2.

When such love of God and of each other is cultivated by a married couple, their marriage will last and be happy, for "love never fails."  (1 Corinthians 13:8) Love is "a perfect bond of union."  (Colossians 3:14) If you are married, how can you and your mate cultivate this kind of love?  Read God's Word together, and talk about it. Study Jesus' example of love and try to imitate him, to think and act like him. In addition, attend Christian meetings, where God's Word is taught. And pray for God's help to develop this kind of love, which is a fruit of God's holy spirit. -Proverbs 3:5, 6; John 17:3; Galatians 5:22; Hebrews 10:24, 25. 

Next time: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/THE SECOND KEY

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER THREE-Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

WHEN God united the first man and woman in marriage, there was no indication that the union would be temporary. Adam and Eve were to be together for life.  (Genesis 2:24)  God's standard for an honorable marriage is the uniting of one male and one female. Only gross sexual immorality on the part of one or both mates provides Scriptural grounds for divorce with the possibility of remarriage. -Matthew 5:32. 

Is it possible for two individuals to live together happily for an indefinitely long time?  Yes, and the Bible identifies two vital factors, or keys, that help to  make this possible. If both the husband and the wife put these to use, they will unlock the door to happiness and many blessings.  What are these keys? 

Next time: CHAPTER THREE -Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage/THE FIRST KEY

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Preparing for a Successful Marriage

LOOKING BEYOND THE WEDDING

During the final months before the marriage, both of you will likely be very busy with arranging for the wedding. You can alleviate much of the  tension by being moderate.  An elaborate wedding may please relatives and the community, but it may leave newlyweds and their families physically exhausted and financially drained.  Some adherence to local customs is reasonable, but slavish and perhaps  competitive conformity can overshadow the meaning of the occasion and may rob you of the joy that you should have. While the feelings of others must be considerate, the groom is primarily responsible for  deciding what will go on a the wedding feast. -John 2:9. 

Remember that your wedding lasts just one day, but your marriage lasts a lifetime.  Avoid concentrating too  much on the act of getting married. Instead, look to Jehovah God  for guidance, and plan ahead for a life of being married.  Then you will have prepared well for a successful marriage.

Next time: CHAPTER THREE: Two Keys to a Lasting Marriage

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Preparing for a Successful Marriage

KEEP YOUR COURTSHIP HONORABLE

How can you keep your courtship honorable? First, make sure that your moral conduct is above reproach. Where you live, is holding hands, kissing, or embracing considered appropriate behavior for unmarried couples?  Even if such expressions of affection are not frowned upon. they should be allowed only when the relationship has reached a point where marriage is definitely planned.  Be careful that displays of affection do not escalate into unclean conduct or even fornication.  (Ephesians 4:18, 19; compare Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6; 8:5, 9, 10.) Because the heart is treacherous, both of you would be wise to avoid being isolated in a house, an apartment, a parked automobile, or anywhere else that would give opportunity for wrong conduct.  (Jeremiah 17:9)  Keep your courtship morally clean gives clear evidence that you have self-control and that you put unselfish concern for the other person's welfare ahead of your own desires.  Most important, a clean courtship will please Jehovah God who commands his servants to abstain from uncleanness and fornication. -Galatians 5:19-21.

Second, an honorable courtship also includes honest communication. As your courtship progresses toward marriage, certain matters will need to be discussed openly. Where will you live? Will both of you work secularly?  Do you want to have children? Also, it is only fair  to reveal things , perhaps in one's past, that could affect the marriage. These may include major debts or obligations  or health matters, such as any serious disease or condition you may have.  Since many persons who are infected with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS show no immediate  symptoms, it would not be wrong for an individual or for caring parents to request  an AIDS blood test of one who has in the past engaged in sexual promiscuity or was an intravenous drug user.  If the test proves positive, the infected person should not pressure the intended mate to continue the relationship if that one now wished to terminate it. Really, anyone who has engaged in a high-risk life-style would do well to submit voluntarily to an AIDS blood test before beginning a courtship. 

Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/LOOKING BEYOND THE WEDDING

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Preparing for a Successful Marriage

FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

In the Christian congregation, those who are entrusted with responsibility are to be "tested as to fitness first." (1 Timothy 3:10) You too can employ this principle.   For example, a woman might ask, "What kind of reputation does this man have?  Who are his friends?  Does he display self-control?  How does he treat elderly persons? What kind of family does he come from?  How does he interact with them?  What is his attitude toward money?  Does he abuse alcoholic beverages?  Is he temperamental,even violent?  What congregation responsibilities does he have, and how does he handle them? Could I deeply respect him?" -Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 22:29; 31:23; Ephesians 5:3-5, 33; 1 Timothy 5:8; 6:10;  Titus 2:6, 7. 

A man might ask, "Does this woman display love and respect for God?  Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise, industrious, thrifty?  What does she talk about? Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busy-body? Is she trustworthy?  Is she willing to submit to headship, or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?" -Proverbs 31:10-31; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 5:22, 23; 1 Timothy 5:13; 1 Peter 4:15.

Do not forget that you are dealing with an imperfect descendant of Adam, not some idealized hero or heroine out of a romance novel.  Everyone has shortcomings, and some of these will have to be overlooked-both yours and those of your prospective partner.  (Romans 3:23; James 3:2) Further, a perceived weakness can present an opportunity to grow.  For example, suppose during your courtship you have an argument. Consider: Even people who love and respect each other disagree at times. (Compare Genesis 30:2; Acts 15:39)  Could it be that both of you simply need to 'restrain your spirit' a little more and learn how to settle matters more peacefully?  (Proverbs 25:28) Does your prospective mate show a desire to improve?  Do you?  Could you learn to be less sensitive, less touchy? (Ecclesiastes 7:9)  Learning to resolve problems can establish a pattern of honest communication that is essential if the two of you get married. -Colossians 3:13. 

What, though, if you notice things  that trouble you deeply?  Such doubts should be considered carefully. However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious fault.  (Proverbs 22:3; Ecclesiastes 2:14) If you have a  relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person. 

Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/KEEP YOUR COURTSHIP HONORABLE

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

Preparing for a Successful Marriage

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE

Is it customary where you live for a person to choose his or her own marriage mate?  If so, how should you proceed if you find someone of the opposite sex attractive?  First, ask yourself, 'Is marriage really my intention?  It is cruel to play with another person's emotions  by raising false expectations.  (Proverbs 13:12)  Then, ask yourself, 'Am I in a position to get married?'  If the answer to both questions is positive, the steps you take next will vary depending on local custom. In some lands, after observing for a while, you might approach the person and express a desire to get better acquainted. If the response is negative, do not persist to the point of being objectionable.   Remember, the other person also has a right to make a decision in the matter.  if, however, the response is positive, you may arrange to spend time together in wholesome activities. This will give you an opportunity to see whether marriage to this person would be wise.  What should you look for at this stage? 

To answer that question, imagine two musical instruments, perhaps a piano and a guitar. If they are correctly tuned, either one can produce beautiful solo music. Yet, what happens if these instruments are played together?  How they must be in tune with each other. It is similar with you and a prospective mate. Each of  you may have worked hard to"tune" your personality traits as individuals. But the question now is:  Are you in tune with each other?  In other words, are you compatible?

It is important that both of you have common beliefs and principles.  The apostle Paul wrote: "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers." (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39)  Marriage to someone who does not share your faith in God makes it more likely that there will be severe disharmony. On the other hand, a mutual devotion to Jehovah God is the strongest basis for unity. Jehovah wants you to be happy and to enjoy the closest possible bond with the person you marry. He wants you to be bound to Him and to each other by a threefold bond of love. -Ecclesiastes 4:12.

While worshiping God together is the most important aspect of unity, more is involved. To be attuned to each other, you and your prospective mate should have similar goals.  What are your goals?  For example, how do you feel about having children?  What things have the first place in your life?  (Matthew 6:33) In a truly successful marriage, the couple are good friends and enjoy each other's company.  (Proverbs 17:17)  For this, they need to have interests in common. It is difficult to sustain a close friendship-much less a marriage-when this is not the case. Still, if your prospective partner enjoys a particular activity, such as hiking, and you do not, does that mean that the two of you should not get married?  Not necessarily. Perhaps you share other, more important interests. Moreover, you might give happiness to your prospective partner by sharing wholesome activities because the other person enjoys them.  -Acts 20:35.  

Indeed, to a large degree, compatibility is determined by how adaptable both of you are rather than by how identical you are. Instead of asking, "Do we agree on everything?" some better questions might be: "What happens when we disagree?  Can we discuss matters calmly, according each other respect and dignity?  Or do the discussions often deteriorate into heated arguments?"  (Ephesians 4:29, 31) If you want to get married, be wary of anyone who is proud and opinionated, never willing to compromise, or who constantly demands and schemes to have his or her own way.

Next time:  Preparing for a Successful Marriage/FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS

Preparingt for a Successful Marriage

KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

Do you find it easy to list the qualities you want in a mate?  Most do.  However, what about your own qualities?  What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful marriage?  What type of husband or wife will you be?  For example, do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always on the defensive when corrected?  Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?  (Proverbs 8:33; 15:15) Remember, marriage will not change your personality. If you are proud, oversensitive, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married.  Since it is difficult to see ourselves the way others see us, why not ask a parent  or a trusted friend for frank comments and suggestions?  If you learn of changes that could be made, work on these before taking steps to marry. 

The Bible encourages us to let God's holy spirit  work in us, producing such qualities such as "love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control.."  It also tells us to "be made new in the force actuating [our] mind" and to "put on the new personality which was created according to God's will in true righteousness and loyalty."  (Galatians 5:22, 23; Ephesians 4:23, 24) Applying this counsel while you are still single will be like depositing money in the bank-something that will prove very valuable int he future, when you do marry. 

For example, if you are a woman, learn to pay more attention to "the secret person of the heart" than you do to your physical appearance.  (1  Peter 3:3, 4) Modesty and soundness of mind will help you to have wisdom, a true "crown of beauty."  (Proverbs 4:9; 31:10, 30;  1 Timothy 2:9, 10) While learning to make decisions and shoulder responsibility, learn also to be modest and humble.  A domineering attitude will lead to trouble in a marriage. -Proverbs 29:23; Micah 6:8; Ephesians 5:28, 29. 

Although making the mind over in these areas is not easy, it is something all Christians should work on.  And it will help you to be a better marriage partner.

Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MATE

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

Preparing for a Successful Marriage

CUSTOMS AND THE BIBLE

Bride-Price and Dowry:  In some lands the groom's family is expected to give money tot he bride's family  (bride-price). In others,  the bride's family gives money to the groom's  (dowry).  There may be nothing wrong with these customs as long as they are legal.  (Romans 13:1)  However, in either case, the receiving family should avoid greedily demanding more money or goods than is reasonable.  (Proverbs 20:21; 1 Corinthians 6:10)  Further, the paying of bride-price should never be construed  to imply that a  wife is simply purchased property; nor should a husband feel that his only responsibility toward his wife and his in-laws is a financial one.

Polygamy:  Some cultures allow a man to take more than one wife.  In such an atmosphere,m the man may become an overlord rather than a husband and father. Furthermore, Polygamy marriage often fosters  competition among wives.  For Christians,  (God's Word in the Bible) allows only singleness or monogamy (In other words, only one wife) -1 Corinthians 7:2. 

Trail marriage:  Many couples claim that living together before marriage will them test out their compatibility. Yet, trial marriage does not test one of the crucial elements of marriage-commitment.   No arrangement other than marriage offers the same degree of protection and security to all parties-including any children that may result from the union. In the eyes of Jehovah God, living together consensually  without the benefit of marriage is fornication.  -1 Corinthians 6:18; Hebrews 13:4.

Note: There is no need for trial marriage, it is not like a car that you try out before you buy. You can get to know each other by just dating and spending time with each other.  Couples just use that excuse to have sex, because they feel the need to release that passion.  TAKE A COLD SHOWER! Or walk it off. There is no excuse for committing fornication. Yes, it may take more time, but if you are living together, it still takes time, just use some bloody restraint here!  If you can't be together without having sex, than that is all your relationship is about; and not a good reason to get married in the first place. 


Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

From the book; The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER TWO - Preparing for a Successful Marriage

ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? 

Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long-term maintenance is costly as well.  It is similar with marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough; however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must also be considered. What does maintaining such a relationship entail?   A vital factor is a wholehearted commitment.  Here is how the Bible describes the marriage relationship:  "A man will leave his father and mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh."  (Genesis 2:24) Jesus Christ gave the only Scriptural basis for divorce with the possibility of marriage-"fornication," that is, illicit sex relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) If you are contemplating marriage, bear these Scriptural standards in mind.  If you are not ready for this solemn commitment, then you are not ready for marriage. -Deuteronomy 23:21; Ecclesiastes 5:4, 5. 

The idea of a solemn commitment frightens many.  "Knowing that the two of us stuck together for life made me feel pushed into a corner, closed in, totally confined," confessed on young man.  But if you really love the person you intend to marry, commitment will not seem like a burden.  Instead it will be viewed as a source of security.  The sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive of each other come what may.  The Christian apostle Paul wrote that true love "bears all things" and "endures all things."  (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7) "The commitment of marriage makes me feel more secure,"says one woman.  "I love the comfort of having admitted to ourselves and the world that we intend to stick together." -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. 

Living up to such a commitment requires maturity. Thus, Paul counsels that Christians do better not to marry until they are "past the bloom of youth," the period when sexual feelings run strong and can distort one's judgment.  (1 Corinthians 7:36)  Young people change rapidly as they grow up.  Many who marry when very young find that after just a few years their needs and desires , as well as  those of their mate, have changed. Statistics reveal that teenagers who marry are much more likely to be unhappy and seek divorce than those who wait a little longer.  So do not rush into marriage.  Some years spent living as a young single adult can give you precious experience that will make you more mature and better qualified to be a suitable mate.  Waiting to get married can also help you to understand yourself better-a necessity if you are to develop a successful relationship in your marriage.

Next time: Preparing for a  Successful Marriage/ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? 

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

CHAPTER TWO - Preparing for a Successful Marriage

CONSTRUCTING  a building requires careful preparation.  Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up. However, something else is vital. Jesus said:  "Who of you who wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it?" -Luke 14:28.

What is true of constructing a building also applies to constructing a successful marriage.  Many say:  "I want to get married." But how many stop to consider the cost?  While the Bible speaks favorably of marriage, it also draws attention to the challenges that marriage presents.  (Proverbs 18:22; 1 Corinthians 7:28)  Therefore, those contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessings and the costs of being married.

The Bible can help. Its counsel is inspired by the Originator of marriage, Jehovah God.  (Ephesians 3:14, 15; 2 Timothy 3:16) Using the principles found in this ancient yet very up-to-date guidebook, let us determine (1) How can a person tell whether he or she is ready for marriage? (2) What should be looked for in a mate? and (3) How can courtship be kept honorable? 

Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/ ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?

From the book; The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness?

 Conclusion of THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS

A housewife in Spain says:  "We had been married only a year when we began to have serious problems."  She and her husband did not have much in common, and they spoke little except when they were arguing.  Despite having a young daughter, they decided to get a legal separation.  Before that happened, though, they were encouraged to look into the Bible.  They studied its counsel for married men and women and began applying it. Before long, they could communicate peacefully, and their small family was happily united. 

The Bible helps older people too. For instance, consider the experiences of a certain Japanese couple. The husband was short-tempered and sometimes violent.  First, the couple's daughters began to study the Bible, despite their parent's opposition.  Then, the husband joined his daughters, but the wife continued to object. Over the years, however, she noticed the good effect of Bible principles on her family.  Her daughters took good care of her, and her husband became much milder. Such changes moved the woman to look into the Bible for herself, and it had the same effect on her.  This elderly repeatedly said:  "We became a real married couple."  

These individuals are among the great many who have learned the secret of family happiness.  They have accepted the Bible's counsel and have applied it. True, they live in the same violent, immoral, economically stressed world as everyone else. Moreover, they are imperfect, but they find happiness in trying to do the will of the Originator of the family arrangement.  As the Bible says, Jehovah God is "the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk." -Isaiah 48:17. 

Although the Bible was completed almost two thousand years ago, its counsel is truly up-to-date.  Further, it was written for all people.  The Bible is not an American or a Western book.  Jehovah "made out of one man every nation  of men," and he knows the makeup of humans everywhere.  (Acts 17:26)  Bible principles work for everyone. If you apply them, you too will come to know the secret of family happiness. 

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/ Preparing for a Successful Marriage

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS 

The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness?

THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS

Counsel on how to achieve happiness in the family is offered from all sides.  In the West, a never-ending stream of self-help books and magazines offer advice.  the problem is that human counselors contradict one or another, and what is fashionable counsel today may be viewed as unworkable tomorrow.

Where, then, can we look for reliable family guidance?  Well, would you look to a book completed some 1,900 years ago? Or would you feel that a book like this must be hopelessly out-of-date?  The truth is, the real secret of family happiness is found in just such a source.

That source is the Bible. According to all the evidence, it was inspired by God himself. In the Bible we find the following statement:   "All Scripture is inspired of God and  beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness."  (2 Timothy 3:16)  In this publication we will encourage you to consider how the Bible can help you to 'set things straight' when handling the stresses and problems facing families today. 

If you are inclined to dismiss the possibility that the Bible can help to make families happy, consider this:  The One who inspired the Bible is the Originator of the marriage arrangement.  (Genesis 2:18-25)   The Bible says that his name is Jehovah.   (Psalm 83:18)  He is the Creator and 'the Father, to whom every family owes its name.'  (Ephesians 3:14, 15)  Jehovah has observed family life since mankind's beginning. He knows the problems that can arise and has given counsel for solving them. Throughout history, those who sincerely applied Bible principles in their family life found greater happiness. 

For example, a housewife in Indonesia was a compulsive gambler. For years she neglected her three children and regularly quarreled with her husband.  Then she started to study the Bible. Gradually the woman came to believe what the Bible said.  When she applied its counsel, she became a better wife.  Her efforts, based on  Bible principles, brought happiness to her entire family. 

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/ Is There a Secret to Family Happiness? - Conclusion of THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS

From the book The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS  

Conclusion of THE FAMILY UNDER STRESS

What of the children?  In the United Stats and other lands, more and more are born out of wedlock, some to young teenagers.  Many teenage girls have a number of children from different fathers.  Reports from around the world tell of millions of homeless children roaming the streets; many are escaping from abusive homes or are cast out by families that can no longer support them.

Yes, the family is in crisis. In addition to what has already been mentioned, teenage rebellion, child abuse, spousal violence, alcoholism, and other devastating problems  robe many families of happiness.  For a great number of children and adults the family is far from being a haven.  

Why the family crisis? Some blame the present-day family crisis on the entry of women in the workplace. Other point to today's moral break-down.  And additional causes are cited. Almost two thousand years ago, a well-known lawyer foretold that many pressures would afflict the family, when he wrote:  "In the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents,  thankless, ungrateful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God."  (2 Timothy 3:1-4)  Who would doubt that these words are being fulfilled today?  In a world with conditions  such as these, is it any wonder that many families are in crisis?

Note:  Not to offend anyone, but there is such a thing as birth control. It may not always work-since there is no guarantee that it will work 100%. But, women or men should at least try and have the good sense to know when to  quit acting like passionate rabbits.  The other problem is the start of the women's rights and suffrage.  God made women for a reason, to think like women-not men, to be feminine, not be masculine, like men.  To marry, have babies, run the household, take care of the children; not go out and have a career that takes long hours or be in the military that takes months or years away from your children. You are denying them their mother. Is there any wonder why there is a rebellion among teenagers, or latch key kids, or pregnant teenagers, or teenagers that feel that they should have everything they want?  People,  we were meant to live the way they did back in the 17 and 1800's. It was Satan that started all that mess with women's rights-suffrage. Yes, maybe some women HAD to go to work-that they had no choice; but at least, do not start a full fledged career, especially if you want to have children.  I don't care what they say,  you cannot have it all, because something or someone in your family  is going to suffer. You are only lying to yourselves and being selfish  if you continue to  think that way.  We all need to use our minds the right way.  And we all need God in our lives to  make it better.  Even if you are not married. Women do not belong in the military-that is a man's job, construction is a man's job-not women.  

Next time: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness - THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS

From the book The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS  

The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS/Is There a Secret to Family Happiness?

THE FAMILY UNDER STRESS

Today the family is changing-sad to say, not for the better. An example is seen in India, where a wife may live with the family of her husband and work in the home under the direction of her in-laws. Nowadays, though, it is not uncommon for Indian wives to seek employment outside the home. Yet, they are apparently still expected to fulfill their traditional roles in the home.  The question raised in many lands is, Compared with other members of the family, how much work should a woman with an outside job be expected to do in the home? 

In oriental societies, strong extended family ties are traditional.  However, under the influenced of western-style individualism and the stress of economic  problems, the traditional extended family is weakening. Many, therefore, view care of the aged family members as a burden rather than as a duty or a privilege.  Some elderly parents are abused. Indeed, abuse and neglect of the aged are found in many countries today.  

Divorce is becoming increasingly common. In Spain the divorce rate rose to 1 out of 8 marriages by the beginning of the final decade of the 20th century-a big jump from 1 out of 100 just 25 years before.  Britain, with reportedly  the highest divorce rate in Europe (4 out of 10 marriages are expected to fail), has seen a surge in the number of single-parent families.  

Many in Germany seem to be abandoning the traditional family altogether.   The  1990's saw 35 percent of all German households made up of a single person and 31 percent made up of just two individuals. The French too are marrying less often, and those who do marry divorce more often and earlier than to used to be the case. Growing numbers prefer to live together without the responsibilities of marriage. Comparable trends are seen worldwide. 

Next time: Conclusion of THE FAMILY UNDER STRESS

From the book The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS