HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Compromise

THE CHALLENGE

You and your spouse have different preferences on something. Realistically, you have at least three options:  

1. You could stubbornly insist until you got your way. 

2. You could passively surrender to your spouse's wishes.  

3. Both of you could compromise.

'But I don't like the idea of compromise,' you might say. 'It sounds as if neither of us will get what we want!'

Be assured that compromise need not be a lose-lose proposition-not if you do it right. But before considering how to compromise, there are a few things you should know about this vital skill.  

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Compromise requires team work.  Before marriage, you might have been accustomed to making unilateral decisions. Now things have changed, and both you and your spouse  must put your marriage above your personal preferences. Rather than think   of that as a draw-back, consider the advantage.  "The ideas of two people combined can lead to a solution that is better than what each one could come up with  alone," says a wife named Alexandra.

Compromise requires an open mind.  "You don't have to agree with everything your spouse says of believes, but you have to be honesty open to considering his or her position," writes marriage counselor John M. Gottman.  "If you find yourself sitting with your arms folded and shaking your head no (or just thinking it) when your spouse is trying to talk out a problem with you, your discussion will never get anywhere."

Compromise requires self-sacrifice.  No one enjoys living with a spouse who believes  "It's either my way or the highway."  It is far better when both partners have a self-sacrificing disposition.  "There are times when I yield to my husband to make him happy, but at times he does the same for me," says a wife named June.  "That's what marriage should be about-give and take, not just take." 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE - How to Compromise/WHAT YOU CAN DO

From the Awake! magazine