HELP FOR THE FAMILY/PARENTING - How to Say No

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Focus on your goal.  You want your child to become a competent, emotionally mature, successful adult.  But you work against that objective if you give him everything he asks for.  The Bible says that if someone "is pampered from his  youth, he will become thankless later on."  (Proverbs 29:21 )  Saying no, therefore, is part of effective discipline.   Such training will help your child, not hurt him. -Bible principle:  Proverbs 19:18. 

When you say no, be decisive.  Your child is not your equal.  So there is no need to debate your no as if you need him to approve it. Of course, as children grow, they need to have their "powers of discernment trained to distinguish both right and wrong." (Hebrews 5:14)  So it is not wrong to reason with a child. Nevertheless, do not get entangled in endless disputes with younger children about why you said no.  The more you dispute with your child, the more your no will sound like a question rather then a decision. Bible principle:  Ephesians 6:1.

Stick to your decision. Your child might test your resolve with whining or pleading. If that happens at home, what can you do?  "Separate yourself from the child," recommends the book Loving Without Spoiling.  "Say, 'If you're in whiny mood, that's OK, but I don't want to hear it. You need to go to your room. You can whine there until you are ready to stop.' "  At first, such a firm stance might be difficult for you to take-and for your child to accept. But his resistance is likely to lessen as he realizes that you mean what you say. -Bible principle:  James 5:12. 

Be reasonable.  Do not say no just to flex your parental muscle. Instead, "let your reasonableness become known.  (Philippians 4:5) There are times when you can say yes to your child-as long as you are not giving in to mere whining and your child's request is legitimate. -Bible principle: Colossians 3:21. 

THE VALUE OF SAYING NO

It's human nature for us to want to keep our kids smiling and cheerful.  But you know what? If our kids never get mad at us, or get frustrated or disappointed, that might be a warning-sign that we aren't doing our job as parents. How will your kids learn to deal with frustration and disappointment if they never have any practice?  How will your kids learn self-discipline if you don't teach them?  It is your job to teach these important life lessons by saying no." -Dr.David Walsh.  

Next time: "Observe Intently the Birds"

From the Awake! magazine