HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE/How to Compromise

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Start right.  The tone in which a discussion begins is often the tone in which it ends.  If you start with harsh words, the chances of reaching a peaceful compromise are slim.  So follow the Bible's advice:  "Clothe yourselves with . . . compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience."  (Colossians 3:12)  Such qualities will help you and your spouse to avoid arguing and get down to the work of problems solving. -Bible principle: Colossians 4:6. 

Search for common ground. If your attempts at compromise only escalate into heated arguments, it may be that you and your spouse are focusing too much on where your views differ.  Instead, pinpoint where they agree. To help you find common  ground, try this: 

Each of you make a two-column list. In the first column, write down which aspects of the issue you feel most strongly about. In the second column, list the aspects on which you feel you could compromise. then discuss your lists together. You might find that the aspects  that you both feel strongest about are nor really all that incompatible. If so, compromise should not be too difficult. Even if they are incompatible, having all aspects of the matter on paper will help you and your spouse to see the issue more clearly.   

Brainstorm.  Some issues may be relatively easy to settle.  With more complex issues, however, a husband and wife can strengthen their bond by brainstorming a solution that perhaps neither of them would have come up with alone. -Bible principle:  Ecclesiastes 4:9. 

Be willing to adjust your view.  The Bible says:  "Each one of you must love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for the husband."  (Ephesians 5:33)  When love and respect flow freely, both spouses are willing to consider the other's viewpoint-and even be swayed.  A husband named Cameron says,  "There are things you would rather not do but-thanks to the influence of your spouse-you later come to love." -Bible principle: Genesis 2:18. 

Next time: THE BIBLE'S VIEWPOINT/THE EARTH -What is God's Purpose for the Earth?

From the Awake!  magazine