Preparing for a Successful Marriage

FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

In the Christian congregation, those who are entrusted with responsibility are to be "tested as to fitness first." (1 Timothy 3:10) You too can employ this principle.   For example, a woman might ask, "What kind of reputation does this man have?  Who are his friends?  Does he display self-control?  How does he treat elderly persons? What kind of family does he come from?  How does he interact with them?  What is his attitude toward money?  Does he abuse alcoholic beverages?  Is he temperamental,even violent?  What congregation responsibilities does he have, and how does he handle them? Could I deeply respect him?" -Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 22:29; 31:23; Ephesians 5:3-5, 33; 1 Timothy 5:8; 6:10;  Titus 2:6, 7. 

A man might ask, "Does this woman display love and respect for God?  Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise, industrious, thrifty?  What does she talk about? Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busy-body? Is she trustworthy?  Is she willing to submit to headship, or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?" -Proverbs 31:10-31; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 5:22, 23; 1 Timothy 5:13; 1 Peter 4:15.

Do not forget that you are dealing with an imperfect descendant of Adam, not some idealized hero or heroine out of a romance novel.  Everyone has shortcomings, and some of these will have to be overlooked-both yours and those of your prospective partner.  (Romans 3:23; James 3:2) Further, a perceived weakness can present an opportunity to grow.  For example, suppose during your courtship you have an argument. Consider: Even people who love and respect each other disagree at times. (Compare Genesis 30:2; Acts 15:39)  Could it be that both of you simply need to 'restrain your spirit' a little more and learn how to settle matters more peacefully?  (Proverbs 25:28) Does your prospective mate show a desire to improve?  Do you?  Could you learn to be less sensitive, less touchy? (Ecclesiastes 7:9)  Learning to resolve problems can establish a pattern of honest communication that is essential if the two of you get married. -Colossians 3:13. 

What, though, if you notice things  that trouble you deeply?  Such doubts should be considered carefully. However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious fault.  (Proverbs 22:3; Ecclesiastes 2:14) If you have a  relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person. 

Next time: Preparing for a Successful Marriage/KEEP YOUR COURTSHIP HONORABLE

From the book: The Secret of FAMILY HAPPINESS