HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

Dealing With In-Laws

THE CHALLENGE

"When we were going through a  difficult time, my wife told her parents about it.  then her father called to give me advice about the situation. I wasn't very happy about that!" -James. 

"My mother-in-law will often say, 'I miss my boy so much!' She talks about how close they were, - which makes me feel guilty for marrying him and causing her all this heartache!" -Natasha.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW 

Marriage creates a new family unit.   The Bible says that a man who marries "will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife."  The same is true of a wife regarding her parents and husband.  When she marries, the Bible says, the two become "one flesh."  They are a new family unit. -Matthew 19:5. 

Your marriage comes before your parents.  "One of the basic tasks of a marriage is to establish a sense of 'we-ness 'between your husband and wife," writes  counselor John M. Gottman.  "Creating or renewing your sense of solidarity with your spouse may involve some rending and tearing away from your primary families."

Some parents may find it difficult to adjust.   One young husband relates:  "Before getting married, my wife would always put priority on her parents' wishes. After we were married, her mother saw that someone else came first. That wasn't easy for her to accept.

Some newlyweds may find it difficult too.   "Having in-laws is not having a friends you chose," says James, quoted earlier.  "Its as though someone said, 'You have two new friends, whether you like it or not.'  Even if they drive you crazy, they're family!" 

Next time: HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE/Dealing With the In-Laws

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