HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE/Dealing With the In-Laws

WHAT YOU CAN DO

If you and your spouse are at odds over an in-law situation, work to resolve issues in a spirit of cooperation.  Follow the Bible's advice to "seek peace and pursue it." -Psalm 34:14.

To help you do that, consider the following scenarios. Each is presented from the perspective of either the husband or the wife. However, the challenges really apply to either gender, and the principles discussed can help you resolve a number of in-law issues.

Your wife says she wishes you had a better relationship with her mother.  But  you find her mother hard to deal with.

Try this:  Discuss the problem with your wife, and be willing to make concessions.  The issue is, not how you feel about your mother-in-law, but how you feel about your spouse-the person whom you vowed to love.  Come away from the discussion with one or two specific ways that you could improve your relationship with her mother and then follow through. As your wife notices your efforts, her respect for you will undoubtedly grow. -Bible principle: 1 Corinthians 10:24.

Your husband says that you are more interested in pleasing your parents than in pleasing him.

Try this: Discuss the problem with your husband, and try to see it from his point of view. Of course, your husband should not feel threatened if you are simply giving due honor to your parents.  (Proverbs 23:22)  Still, you might need to reassure him-by your words and actions-that he comes before your parents in your life.  If your husband has that confidence, he will be less likely to feel that he is competing with your parents for your attention. -Bible principle: Ephesians 5:33. 

Your wife goes to her parents for advice rather than you.

Try this:  Talk with your wife, and reach an agreement on where the boundaries should be set.  Strive to be reasonable. Is it always wrong to talk to a parent about a concern?  When might it be appropriate? If you both agree on reasonable boundaries this issue does not have to be a problem.  -Bible principle: Philippians 4:5. 

Key Scriptures

* "Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person." -1 Corinthians 10:24.

* "The wife should have deep respect for her husband." -Ephesians 5:33.

* "Let your reasonableness become known." -Philippians 4:5.

Focus on the Positive

"Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important.  They are the ones who cared for and raised your spouse, and no matter what their imperfections are, you need to be thankful to them.  You can also learn a lot from their experience. If you focus on your in-laws' positive qualities and imitate those, you can become a well-rounded person." -Jessica. 

Next time: Fresh Air and Sunshine - Natural "Antibiotics"?

From the jw.org publications