Coping With the Loss of a Loved One

"No Time for Me to Grieve"

Consider the experience of Nathaniel, a young  man whose mother died when he was 24.  "At first, I was bewildered." he says.  "I felt that I had to be a support to my dad and to may of my mother's distraught friends.  There was no time for me to grieve." 

After more than a year, Nathaniel found that he still had not come to terms with his own loss.  "Dad still occasionally calls to mourn," he says,  "and that's a good thing. He needs to  talk about it, and I am happy to help. It's just that when I need support, I feel as if i have nowhere to turn."

Caregivers-including those in the medical profession who must frequently  confront the reality of death-may also feel obligated to suppress their feelings.  Take the case of Heloisa, a doctor for more than 20 years. She worked in a close-knit community and had a bond with her patients. "I was with many of them at the time of their death," she says, "and some of them were very dear friends." 

Heloisa realized that shedding tears was a natural way to get relief.  "But I found it difficult to cry," she relates.  "I  was so concerned about being strong for others that I felt I had to hold in my feelings.  I believed that others expected that of me."

Next time: Coping With the Loss of a Loved One - "The House Felt Empty Without Her" 

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2011