HELP FOR THE FAMILY/MARRIAGE

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Focus on your spouse. Try to think of a time when someone apologized to you and how good that made you feel. Why not make your spouse feel the same way?

Even if you do not believe you were wrong, you can apologize for the hurt your spouse feels for the unintended consequences of your actions. Such words can help  your spouse to heal! -Bible principle: Luke 6:31.

Focus on your marriage. View an apology, not as a defeat for you, but as a victory for your marriage. After all, a person who remains offended is "more unyielding than a fortified city," says Proverbs 18:19. It is difficult, if not impossible, to restore peace in such a defensive atmosphere. On the other hand, when you apologize you prevent the offense from becoming a barrier.  In essence, you put your marriage ahead of yourself. -Bible principle: Philippians 2:3. 

Be quick to apologize.  True, apologizing may be difficult if you are not fully to blame.  But your spouse's faults do not excuse bad behavior on your part. So do not hesitate to apologize thinking that the passing of time will cover over the offense.  Your apologizing can make it easier for your spouse to apologize too.  And the more you practice apologizing, the easier it will become for you.  -Bible principle: Matthew 5:25. 

Prove that you mean it.  Rationalizing your behavior is not the same as apologizing for it.  And saying, perhaps with a tinge of sarcasm , "I'm sorry that you're so sensitive about this" is not an apology at all!  Accept responsibility for your actions and acknowledge the hurt your spouse feels, whether you believe  that the hurt is warranted or not. 

Face facts.  Humbly accept that you will make mistakes. After all, everyone does! Even if you think your are blameless in a situation, recognized that your version  of what happened is probably not the whole story.  "The first  to state his case seems right," says the Bible, until the other party comes and cross-examines him." (Proverbs 18:17) You will be more apt to apologize if you have a  realistic view of yourself and your shortcomings.    Remember, no one is perfect.

Next time: THE BIBLE'S VIEWPOINT/POVERTY

From the AWAKE! magazine, 2015